Things that make me feel stupid!

I am not talking about rocket science. There are everyday things that just baffle me! Simple things that I can’t figure out that make me feel small. It’s like when you go snow skiing. You start feeling pretty proud of your self for going down a black diamond run when some 5-year-old kid flies by without even using polls. Yeah that small, things like a Rubik’s cube. I worked with a guy who could solve it in a minute and a half, I can’t even get one side to line up. How about a bow tie. Even with Google instructions and a Youtube video I can’t get it. How about getting a cup of coffee from the pot without getting coffee all over the counter? They out a pour spout yet it always leaks. Those are just few but there are more, like figuring out how to get the printer to feed paper in straight. It is always slightly off, the manufacturer says it is within tolerances but it still looks goofy. The one that really makes me humble is the dishwashers startup! I can put the soap in the little door and close it, but as soon as I spin the dial to the correct setting the soap door springs open and dumps all the soap out. Why? If I spin the dial first the door won’t close again until I spin it all the way around to the finished spot. Then it starts the process again? There I sit spinning it around and around until I give up and let the soap fall out before it starts. Somewhere in heaven the Maytag repair man is smiling and shaking his head. Perhaps I should apply my talents else where.

Men and ponytails

Maybe it is because it is warming up and not as many people are in ski caps, but I have seen more men with pony tails in the last week than I have in a long time. When I was a very young man I did have a pony tail but it was a different time and I was a very different person than I am today. I actually cut it off right before I met my wife and we probably wouldn’t be married today if I hadn’t. I’m not saying I think men should not have a pony tail but I think we need to establish a few rules as to when they are ok.

1. If your pony tail is all the hair you have on your head it is time to cut it off. Lets just say if you have less than 80% of the hair on your head you should pass.

2. If you are over the age of 30 just pass. Unless you are Willy Nelson it just doesn’t work.

3. If you are a grandparent! Matching hair styles with your grandson is not cute, it’s weird.

Fear and intimidation!

When I was young and stupid I went with a friend to San Francisco to go see a band play at a small bar. The bar was right around the corner from some she knew.The plan was to go to the bar then crash at the friend’s house. We all met at the house and then walked down to the corner store got some snacks and walked over to the bar. We were there for a few hours when everyone but me wanted to leave. I start to protest when they suggested I just stay and then walk back when I was done. I agreed, and after another hour or so decided to leave. The house was right on the other side of a park so instead of going around I decided to walk straight through the middle. As I got to the other side of the park I was cutting through a baseball field when I came across a group of about twenty young black guys mulling in the dug out. I didn’t think much of it and called out “what’s up guys?” and kept walking. Maybe it was because I had a few drinks in me but it didn’t seem like a big deal. When I got to the friend’s house I mentioned how quick it was to get back cutting through the park and everybody’s eyes got wide and they cried out “you walked through the park!” The fear I had missed while it was happening was now on everybody’s face and I realized I should have been very afraid of what I had just done. While I was lucky, and everybody was probably over reacting, that was a real situation for those emotions. What is not is the Lady now complaining that the logo of her college UCONN promotes rape and violence. A drawing of what looks like a serious or determined husky dog, is not a sign of violence but today it becomes a sign of stupidity! If this lady thinks her opinions towards the school logo will change the culture of her college, I have a bridge I want to sell her!

Adults Suck!

I want to be irresponsible! I want to run away and live life on the road! Why can’t I drink every night or stay up all night playing video games? Why can’t I tell everyone else that they annoy me and swear under my breath that I am going to do everything different when I am an adult. I want to believe I know everything and have no past just a future. I wish money just magically appeared every time I need it and most of the time I want it. I want a refrigerator full of food to stand in front of and complain that there is nothing to eat! I want to drive a free car and let the engine light stay on till that car no longer works and wait impatiently for a new one to appear. I want to do as little as I can in school and expect scholarships and a free ride to the college of my choice! I want a have a free cell phone and complain that it is not the latest model. I want to be with multiple woman and if they get pregnant just move on to someone else never having to pay child support. I want free healthcare and if I get a hang nail I want to clog up the emergency room.  If they get my order wrong at the McDonald’s drive thru I want ready access to 911 to complain. I want to live in a country that gives all these things and complain and plot to destroy it.

If you think I am talking about a teenager you would be wrong, these are actually items from the news. Of course I added a few ad-libs but as country are coming apart at the seams. Adults have lost what it means to be a contributing member of society. With adults acting like this, how are our children going to stand a chance.

Woman are responsible!

How is it a shiny rock cut into a sparkly rounded shape can hold the interest of woman the world over? Diamonds are really not that special, they are a rock. For that matter what is gold? Have you ever wondered how these became the standard of currency and value for the world? there was probably some ancient guy who wanted to impress a girl, he wasn’t handsome, he wasn’t strong, so what were his options? Find shiny substances mold them into something creative, and present it to the girl of his dreams. How do know it worked? Well if it didn’t we would not be assigning them value today! It is a good thing this girl was not impressed with animal dung or even poison oak,  we would get a rash every time we tried to pay for something. Women whether you know it or not, you are responsible for our money system. Because a guy has to have a chance if he isn’t blessed with muscles or good looks!

eDisharmony!

Have you noticed the proliferation of dating websites advertising on TV? Not only are there a lot of them they seem to be catering to more and more select groups. There is one for those over fifty called “Our Time” just to name one. I actually have seen one for those who have special needs. and of course they must have some catchy name. Match, Zoosk, Datehookup, and of course eHarmony. It all seems so awkward. Where does it stop? I’m sure that if it hasn’t already been created there will be a site for women who prefer cats over men to meet their ideal cat. How about the guy who tried to marry the Eiffel tower, should we create a site for people wanting to meet buildings? instead of eHarmony it would be ibrickery? While there are many reasons why I am glad to be married, one is the prospect of having to date. I was bad at it the first time I would not want to do that again! I would have to find a site for ADD adults who work in IT with bad vision and weak ankles. maybe “eDDglasses.com”.

Are we safe?

How much are you willing to give up to be safe? That was the question asked on one of the news shows over the weekend. A former head of some agency which is suppose to protect us, said you can not get safer without giving somethings up. He is right, we are a free and open society. We don’t have to show papers every time we get in our car or travel to another city or state. We don’t have to prove we belong where we are unless we are a suspect in a criminal act. And even then they can only detain us for a short time without having to prove why. Running through a metal detector is only in places for public safety and gathering for what ever reason is protected by our constitution. The problem is that it gives us great freedom for good and evil. The problem which this expert stated is that each freedom taken away does not equal a measurable quantity of safety. It means the more we take away the smaller the return on safety. Some things are important, some things have made us considerably safer, but we reach a point where what we lose is greater than what we gain. In other words, we could be living in a prison state, but if you look at those countries that are, they still have safety issues that have not been stopped. The other issue that always comes up is, once those freedoms are taken away, it is almost impossible to get them back. In this country a lot of blood has been spilled for those freedoms. Not just on our behalf but for many around the world. To give all those back because we are afraid seems like a monumental waste!

Customer Service my eye!

I have a customer who uses Comcast for internet access. Today they came in to work and they had no internet access. After many calls a guy shows up close to noon and figures out pretty quickly that another Comcast technician had “turned off” the service because they had excessive feed back. So basically because the line from Comcast was not clean they turned it off.

So a technician shows up figures out there is a problem. At this point he has several  choices.

1. Fix the problem. He could have spent a few minutes to see if he could figure out what the issue was. Even if in those few minutes he recognized it would be a big job and talk to the customer and explain the issue and schedule a time to come fix it. Or even if it isn’t his job to fix it, call someone who can fix it and let them know of the issue.

2. Pull the plug on the business. Mind you, this was not easy. He got out of his truck, either he had a bucket truck in which he had to set up to raise it up to the pole or get a large latter and climb up. He then spent time putting the filter in the line, packet up and left.

I would like to thank this genius for my day.

Waiting is…..

What do you do with yourself when you are stuck in the waiting room? I have hours to sit and wait today. I have hours of work I need to get done. I could, but work seems awkward. I could read but the TV showing the young and the restless or what ever it is stuck on is distracting. The other people reading the old magazines or talking to the doctor in the lobby make it hard to concentrate. I don’t want to listen in on how their loved one did, but it is the most interesting thing going on. I could go for a walk but icy rain is coming down. Looking at the wall decorations meant to keep every one calm are only good for a minute or two of distraction. Coffee is keeping me awake but there is not enough of it to really get me in the mood to do much. The thing I worry about is if my computer and cell phones (yes I have to carry multiple) are knocking out some machine that is keeping someone alive? If I fall asleep in this chair people will stare as I drool. Hopefully when I do fall asleep I won’t snore. Hopefully I figure something out.

Dumb Criminal payback

A guy was arrested after swallowing a diamond ring at a jewelry store. I am not sure if he though they would just let him go or if he was thinking at all. After he was arrested they took an X-ray to prove the deed was done and then locked him up. While we all know that  time will eventually produce the ring, I was wondering what could be done to make the time fit the crime.

1. If you have ever had a colonoscopy they give this stuff to take the day before that flushes just about everything you ever plan to eat out of your system. I say he is given some of that to make the wait much shorter and more entertaining for the police.

2. We could take a magnet and put it on his stomach and move it around. That ought to put a few scratches on the sidewall so to speak.

3. We could use a rubber stopper to block anything from happening until he promises to not eat anything other than his mom’s cooking.

Yeah I know these are probably not ever going to happen. But I wish we could make it as hard on that guy as it was for the rookie cop who got stuck with that job!