Who is the bigger idiot?

I can across a photo today of a surfer who just this week surfed what might be a world record size wave. If you haven’t seen the picture click on this link (wave photo). Some would call this guy brave or heroic, I would call him nuts! What makes a guy think that getting on the face of a runaway train is a good idea? One minor mistake by this genius would have resulted in his death. You have to have a screw loose to even attempt this. But as crazy as this guy is I am not sure he is the dumbest person in the picture. The people standing on the dock waiting the massive wave to hit them and wash them out to sea are. At least the surfer could direct his board toward a safe outcome, the others will get a face full of salt water and shorts full of sand, and that won’t matter much when they are spinning around with their lungs full with water. The surfer, knowingly put himself in harm’s way, the rest didn’t have a clue!

What is your perfect Job?

My boss asked me a question the other day. He wanted to know what my perfect job looked like. He also asked me to rate my current job on a scale of 1 to 10. Knowing that I want to stay gainfully employed, and the job I have is not bad, I explained to him that for me no job this side of heaven would get higher than a 6, maybe an 8. He was surprised by my response and seemed a little taken aback. Maybe I was a little too honest? Maybe I could have given him the same stuff I usually shovel. The reality is my perfect job is not working for anyone in particular but doing more in the area I am passionate about. Don’t we all dream of being independently wealthy where we could not have to worry about our next paycheck and just do what we feel would make us fulfilled? The problem with that statement is reality. Most stories you see about someone who hit the lottery, or movies about people who get special powers or lots of money show the same thing. The person starts out using the new-found power or wealth to get payback and right what they see as wrongs. But is swimming in a bathtub of money and flaunting it in the face of your enemy really going to make us fulfilled? This is why inheriting wealth can be problematic. What we have not earned is not always appreciated. After the wealth is gone are we really in a better place? I am not saying I wouldn’t want to try mind you, but earning it the hard way seems to be the best way for making it stick!

You can keep the Quinoa!

Look, I know food allergies are becoming a big issue. I get that if you have one it is no fun. What I want to know is why we have to have so many meat and other substitutes. If you can’t eat red meat why are we taking some other grain or weird substance previously unknown to man and making it look like a hamburger? I have never eaten one of these things that remotely taste like the real thing. I not saying some don’t taste good, I have a box of black bean chipotle patties in my freezer.  I eat them because I like the taste. They do not however taste like a hamburger. Some are so gross tasting that they can not be classified as food! Who are they trying to fool? If you slap some sandpaper into a bun it won’t magically make it eatable.  I hate to tell you but that grain, which was formerly only eaten by monks in the Himalayas is not a delicacy, the only reason they ate it was because they had nothing else to eat. You cook up a nice burger with some cheese and pickles on it for them and those monks will kick that ground up dirt grain patty to the curb. If you don’t have food allergies and you are eating those things because you think it is good for you, or you think meat is murder. I will say I agree. Meat is murder, tasty-tasty murder!

Formal Complaint!

I would like to officially file a complaint with the Man upstairs over the things women get over men. I know it isn’t every man or every women but for the most part we guys get stuck with the dirty jobs. It isn’t fair! I can already hear the women who will bring up the whole birth thing, and yes that is hard but it shouldn’t count for ever other job. Besides these days they just stick a needle in your back and you don’t have to feel a thing. Below is just a few.

  1. Taking the family pet to be put to sleep. I don’t want to do this anymore. Our beloved dog has probably got only a year at most and I just can’t take this job anymore. I know I am supposed to be the tough one but this just stinks.
  2. Mom’s get to be the ones who kiss booboo’s or get to give hugs when someone is sick or scared. Dad’s get to kill the spiders or yell when someone leaves the door open to the backyard. It’s just not fair.
  3. When kids grow up and receive awards they thank Mom. There they are on national TV and what do they say, Thank God and Mom. Not Dad who worked his butt off so you could take the acting or music lessons, oh no, it’s mom.
  4. Fixing stuff, if I wanted to swing a hammer I would have gotten a job in construction. And even if I did do that for a living who wants to come home and do it all night long? Mom gets the school projects that require art and presentations, Dad’s get the build a dream house diorama the night before it is due till 3am, and that just isn’t right!

Don’t touch that moth!

I don’t understand what scientific classification makes something a species? Why is one moth because it has an extra spot or yellow instead of orange different? I am a white male that doesn’t make me a different species from my Mexican or Black friends so why do moths get too? I think it is because we have too many scientists out of work. Think about it? If they all had jobs making stuff they wouldn’t be going around looking for moths, worms or fish to name after themselves. Can’t we employ these people to find cures for diseases, not  figure out that there are only three fish with this spot so we have to shut down entire towns to save the three fish? If I understand genetics, and by understand I mean I read a comic book about it once, if this is in the genes of these critters it will surface again because it is in the crazy blender of genetics. It is why I have the hair from my mother’s side of the family but am a dead on for my Dad’s dad facial feature wise. Seems to me we need to find more useful jobs for these people, that way we can avoid the obvious Al Gore references. After all, global warming can’t make everyone rich!

How to make a million dollars!

Steve Martin used to have a joke in his routine about how to make a million bucks. He said OK, first, get a million dollars! This seems funny but sadly true. How do you make money? It seems it takes money, and the ones who have it seem to know how to use it. Take Carl  Icahn, this guy goes around ordering tech companies to buy back stocks or go public or private so he can make more money. He could use his money to invent stuff like the bra that tweets( I am not kidding look it up!) or helping small non-profits who are trying to help families and individual who are dealing with Special Needs(Just saying!) instead he just keeps making more and more money. So how does the little guy get in on this action? If I yell at Apple or Dell the only thing I might get is a youtube video like the women in the Apple store screaming about not having what she wanted in stock. Instead I scratch and claw to tell people about what we are trying to do to help people and hope they catch the vision and want to be a part of it. It seems really ironic that those who would give away a fortune to help others don’t have the money, and the ones who have it are clawing for more. Of course this is a generalization, I know of wonderful people who give millions every year to great causes, I guess the problem is they don’t know me!

Voodoo Smoodoo!

While I was in New Orléans my wife and I walked down a street that was full of vendors. Some were painters some carved interesting art out of wood or metal. The most confusing thou were all the tarot card and palm readers. I am not one to frequent such a person but I have to say I have a certain expectation of what one looks like. As we walked down the street most were middle-aged men or women who I would mistake for a person serving your food at a restaurant or ringing you up at the local grocery store. If I was one to believe they could tell my future I am not looking for my neighbor, I am looking for some voodoo looking priestess wearing a long flowing robe and large head-dress. If I am deciding my future on someone who would also ask whether I want paper or plastic I don’t have much confidence in the outcome. In the same way it was a disappointment to listen to a woman playing jazz trombone at the concert we attended. She was a tremendous player, but I expected some older gentlemen who could barely stand in a white shirt, tie and hat. I did finally see the woman I expected sitting at a table further down the street, I made sure I walk far clear of her table, and never looked her in the eye’s that way she couldn’t give me that creepy stare they have.

Modern Art?

Modern_artMy wife and I just returned from a trip to New Orléans. We spent a few days exploring the sites of the city since we had never been there before. It has some very interesting neighborhoods and cemeteries. On Sunday we decided to visit the City Park which has the botanical and sculpture gardens. I know that wandering through a free garden I am not going to see the most expensive or best sculptures, it was after all free. What I did expect is to see art. Some are interesting some are weird some are just stupid. Some Modern art is neither art or modern. When I was little we had an art class in which we were all give clay or paper with the idea of creating some master piece for our mothers. I can say that even though my mom didn’t smoke she probably received her fair share of ash trays created by me. While my mother treasured the gift, she should not have considered it art because of who created it and I know she still uses something at Christmas I made for her. It is not worthy of that kind of honor but it is my mom so she is sentimental about it. The piece shown in the post should not even be admired by this guy’s mom.  I am sure there is some story to this piece; the “artist” is from Iran so he probably has a story, but for it to be art it should invoke more than a call to the city dump for pick up. I think I left something similar on my curb before I left for vacation, I am sure he got more money for his contribution than I did from the recycler.

Could we ever be like than again?

I spent yesterday afternoon at a WWII museum. It was a stark contrast to what I see on the news. There were no signs of petty politics, no adding extra personal pet projects to bills. Instead it was a country single-minded in its goal of winning! I was amazed to see that even saving kitchen grease was considered patriotic. Everyone in this country sacrificed for the good of the whole and many did without so we could reach our goal of winning the war. It stands in stark contrast to today, no one is sacrificing anything. We have real problems and we can seem to agree they need fixing. Some want us to continue the way we are, others see the cliffs and are warning of impending doom, and no one is listening. I wonder what it is going to take to change the current political climate, and I hope it isn’t what it took back then!

Marital bliss App!

There are many invention which have added to harmony within marriage, the washing machine and modern oven come to mind. For my money though none has made life calmer than the turn by turn GPS on my phone. How did I get to my destination in one piece before I could just put in an address and have a nice female voice tell me where to go. It isn’t looking for street signs that are missing or covered by trees. It doesn’t second guess if you should have gone left at the last light and doesn’t get into a fight when I miss my turn, it just re-calculates how to get there. When it screws up we can blame Apple for a   crappy app. Yep, I am truly blessed to not have to print out maps anymore, and my marriage is better for it as well.